I'm Leaving On A Jet Plane

(humming John Denver)
My bags are packed, I'm ready to go...
I'm standing here outside my door...

Freaking out.

In just over three weeks I am hopping on a plane and flying to a whole other state in order to meet the paternal side of my birth family. Quite frankly I can't decide if time is going by too fast, or too slow.

I am actually surprisingly calm, for the most part. I figure I am a nice person, they sound like nice people, I am sure it will all work out. It even occurred to me that they might be every bit as nervous as I am. My plan was to sit down and make a list of all the questions I have ever had as an adopted child so that I can focus myself and get some of them answered. But it seems every time I sit down to make that list I find myself just staring at a blank page and eventually walking away. And today it came to me. I can't seem to get the questions written down because they need to come organically. If they are meant to be answered, they will be. Some now, some at a later time.

Truth be told I am just excited to see the family from which I came, and how they might differ from the family I was brought into. As in all things, my mother is coming with me. I would never dream of making this trip without her. She is the rock I have depended on for my whole life, even when I didn't always acknowledge it. [Yes Mom, (who of course reads my blog) you are the best, and I love you to pieces. And for the five millionth time, I am sorry I was such a bratty teenager... can we let it go already?].

As an anthropologist I admit to being fascinated on how the whole thing is going to unfold; what part of me is nature and what part of me is nurture? It is almost like I am my own anthropological study. Writing this, I am reminded of the short biography I found when I stumbled on to my birth sister's employment website. I was  unnerved when I first found it because it was almost eerie at how similar our interests and focuses are. We have almost identical interests and very compatible career choices. Some day I would love for her to know I exist and to get a chance to meet her because she sounds like someone I could really connect with. Either way, it was amazing to realize some of my life may have been written before I was born.

That, however, is a whole other ball of wax, as they say. For now, I am focused on this journey to connect with my birth father and family and in three short weeks I get to meet them face to face. I will get the opportunity to personally thank them for the wonderful life that I have had with my family. I can also thank them for being open to connecting after all these years. Adoption really is a journey that never ends, whether it be the constant state of wondering (such as couple friends I have that are adopted from overseas with no hope of finding records), the search and discovery process, or the constant juggle of relationships in the open adoption.

Three weeks and I get to take a step that I never dreamed possible even two years ago. A little nervous, but mostly excited I have no doubt the people I will find when I arrive will be flawed and complicated, as we all are. But, I am just as sure we can get to know one another and find a connection and hopefully answer questions on both sides of the fence.

So with that.....

I'm leaving on a jet plane...dah dah, dah dah, dah dum dum dum....